A Negative Rambling...

Hello. I hope you're having a great day or week, life, whatever. lol Ugh, I really hate the fact that I haven't been able to come here so often compared to what my situation was a few months ago! I have been failing to upload even once a week, and I hate it. I don't really like being busy (I sometimes do... Only sometimes...), and I don't like people who almost brag about how busy they are either. What I'm trying to tell you though, is that I've been busy! So ironic.

Well, job hunting is supposed to be the time when you meet different people, get to know different industries/companies, search for your future career path (i.e., your "bright" future!), etc., and it should be uplifting. But I feel like I'm at the other end of the emotion scale; I'm depressed, basically. Other people may be imagining their future selves, and thinking how wonderful their lives can/will be. Joy of life? Not for me, really. I feel like my life is draining. Haha, that was kind of an exaggeration. 

Alright, today's post doesn't have any topic or theme or whatsoever. I just wanted to sit and write. ...Write about me being pessimistic. lol It's not like I'm sad; I'm just pessimistic. And being pessimistic and being sad are different. And I'm not mad or angry either. No, I don't feel anger. You could ask me if I'm happy. The answer is, to be honest, I don't know. I don't really know what happiness is, to begin with. If you cannot define happiness, then you cannot tell whether you're happy or not, right? I know, happiness is a state of mind, and everyone has their own definitions of happiness. Some people may define being rich, and having an abundance of money as happiness, whereas others may value different things. But in the first place, you cannot define happiness so easily. There are different and many factors that can affect happiness (e.g., money, human relationship, environment, etc.), and I think it's the combination of these various factors that people refer to when they try to define what happiness is. So, then, I guess that in a way, happiness is your life goal, and if your current situation is somewhat close to your life goal (i.e., what you want and what you want to be), then you're happy. 

Ok, now I'm going to make a new paragraph because nobody likes big, long and dull paragraphs. So, if you desire to know whether you're happy, you need to have a goal, at least. And I think I am having a (major) problem here. Currently, I don't have a goal. I'm not really sure what I want, what I want to achieve, what kind of person I want to be, etc. The more I learn, and the more I read, the more I'm confused. I want to reach out to the truth (if there's any), but it's like trying to catch smoke. I can't be sure about anything. 

Hmm, I guess I'll just stop writing here for today. My writing spirit(s) went away, and doesn't seem to come back anytime soon. Thanks for reading this depressing post if you happened to make it this far! See you next time!