The Relationship between Love and Flower.

Hi, so in this post, I'll talk about love and romantic relationship. There are different kinds of love, you know? Love towards your friends, love towards your family, love towards nature that surrounds you, etc. But I think the real basic thing underneath each love is the same, and that is the sense of attachment. You feel attached to the person or the thing, you care about him/her or it. That's the root of every love.

So. I have a boyfriend, and we've been together for more than 2.5 years. For someone who has been in a relationship for like 6 years, this is really short; for someone who has just started a relationship, this may be amazing.

We met at a party, though I had already knew him for a little while. I really liked him for how he looked to be honest. We had never had a single conversation before the party, and all I knew about him then was how he looked. His mom is Japanese, and his dad is from the U.S., which made him look a little different from other Japanese. (Trust me, he is SO Japanese in his mind! lol) Our relationship started really quickly (or actually "too" quickly?). It started like a week (or less than a week? I don't remember to be honest... lol) from when we first met! We (or at least I) didn't really think too much about things like, "It things going on too fast?" "Will we be get along? We actually don't know each other that much..." Yes, maybe we should've thought through about these things because I know these are important and these matter. But so far, we've been in a great condition! Some of our friends must have thought we wouldn't last long, though.

Even though we experience disagreement, quarrels, etc., from time to time, we are a relationship goal most of the time. His camera roll is filled with selfies we took together or pictures of me, and I post a lot of couple selfie on Instagram and Facebook. We are very similar in some ways, but very different in other ways. And I learned so many things from those differences. I love him, I respect him a lot also, and I am so thankful for what he has taught me. Differences are awesome because they are a chance for both of us to learn and grow. It's not like one of us should give up to make the another stay happy.

One thing I find important in (any kind of) relationship is to make sure (constantly) that the 2 are on the same page. I know, you've already heard this, you already know it, and yes, this is not something new or special. But this is so important that people keep stressing this. Me and my boyfriend may be in a relationship, which means that we are very close to each other. But at the end of the day, we are very different. We are 2 different persons. We should talk about how we are feeling about our relationship lately, how we are feeling about each other, whether it is ok or not to do certain things, etc. It's actually very easy to assume that what you think is what your partner thinks. Or there many be a thing that you do with your partner frequently that you don't feel like doing every time honestly, but you still keep doing it because you "think" your partner loves it. But your partner may be feeling or thinking in the same way. "It's not that I don't like this. It's just I don't want to do this every time we see each other. Sometimes is just enough. But I should probably keep doing this, right? Because my partner loves it; he/she does this every time we meet." See? If you talk about this with your partner, and say, "Hey, so about this thing we always do... It's not like I don't like it, but I think we don't have to do this every time we hang out," the problem will be solved so easily.

But I know, it's quick and easy to be lazy about this. We're busy and tired, and we don't really have time to sit and discuss. But if you really care about your partner, and if your relationship really matters, you had better make a commitment, and make time for the maintenance. It's easier to fix things when the defect is small. If you want to grow a beautiful flower, you should take care of it everyday. It needs a certain amount of water and time. Yes, ultimately, a flower grows by itself; you cannot control it's cells and stuff. But it can't do so without a good soil and water. And it's not like you gave tons of water today, so it will be flourish tomorrow, or you have tons of water today, so you don't have to do anything from now on. You need a little bit of time everyday, and the action of watering the plants itself is not a lot of work at all. Nourish love like a flower. Take time for love, and give it what it needs. Then love will grow beautifully by itself.

A Good Relationship with SNS?

It's been really cold lately, and we've even had snow! I was born in winter, but I never liked winter temperature. Talking about weather is a good or safe conversation starter in Japan (or anywhere else in the world, I guess?)... Actually, tomorrow (January 20th) is my birthday! Not that excited about that, though... I'll turn 24! I won't do anything really special for my birthday. No big party, no birthday cake, nothing too special. Some people just love parties and stuff, which is no problem at all. You do you, and just do whatever that makes you happy. But I'm not feeling like doing parties lately. I just want to spend a peaceful time. So, for birthday, I'll just go out to a burger restaurant with my boyfriend because we miss those big ol' American burgers a lot. I even told him I don't need a present and all I want is to spend a good time with him.

So... today's topic. A good relationship with SNS (e.g. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc.). Almost everyone uses SNS, and it's really hard, frankly, to find a person who doesn't use any kind of social media. Well, talking about me, I love writing stuff, and expressing myself in sentences (why would I have my own blog if I didn't like expressing myself?!). I'm on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. I used to have the Snapchat app, but I deleted it. I mostly watched other people's snaps, and I posted my snap only once.

I have one policy about Twitter. I don't follow friends in real life. There are a few exceptions, though, to be honest. But I don't follow my classmates. Oh, I don't follow my sister either. It's not that I don't get along with them. Or that I tweet things that I can't let my friends see. I used to follow my classmates, and people whom I had talked with in real life.

But I stopped doing that. Because I noticed I didn't have to do that. I have a bad tendency to compare myself with others. And I got to know that knowing what my classmates are doing all the time was making me depressed. I go to a private university in Japan, and some students are just rich. I actually get a student loan to go to school, which means that I am not rich at all. If I follow my classmates, I end up seeing pictures of them on vacations, buying stuff, and going out for fancy restaurants, etc. Basically those are things that I don't get to do (a lot). And looking at those photos is not good for my heart. I don't hate my classmates just for that reason; I know they are nice people. It's just I feel sorry or bad for myself not being able to do the same as them.

Plus, I felt it was noisy that seeing those tweets. I see my classmates in school. Why do I have to see them saying things, and talking 24/7? I mean... I love having alone time as much as I love being around with people. Some of the people I follow were definitely my classmates, but did we actually know each other? No. Those were people I had never talked with. I did care those people as my classmates, but I thought comparing myself with those people whom I didn't even talked with and feeling bad about myself was very strange. So I stopped doing that.

SNS should be fun. They were created so that people can have fun. If SNS are making you feel bad, you don't have a healthy relationship with them. Looking back my old relationship with Twitter, now I feel the current relationship is much better. I still follow people I know in real life on Facebook and Instagram, though. Actually, because of that, I don't have to follow those people in every other social media outlet. Well, even on Instagram, I do "clean up" who I follow. Do I really want to see pictures from this person? Am I interested? I ask these questions, and if the answer is no, I just simply unfollow them. I stopped following people just because I know them or because the person followed me (to look nice).

I think it connects to saying goodbye to materialism. Having a lot is not always good. Assessing what makes you happy and what doesn't, and focusing on what actually does make you happy is the key. SNS has become a part of our everyday life, so it may be difficult to notice that that's the one reason why you're not happy. But because SNS are a part of our everyday life, it's even more important to have a healthy relationship with them.

Cultural Context and Some More...?

It's been more than a year since I came back from 9-month stay in California. For me, studying abroad was amazing! I got to experience different activities, meet so many nice people, try new foods, and make great memories.

At first, I was so nervous and worried about taking class in English. I knew I could understand English, and make myself understood, but still, sitting in a lecture hall, listening to a lecture which is held only in English, and surrounded by bright students sounded a lot different to me at that time. Also, at least I could get assistance when I was in Japan. When I practice English conversation with my Japanese friends, we all know Japanese, and when we having trouble expressing ourselves in English, we have another common language to make communication smoother. Or even when I talk with professors from outside Japan, they know my English is not perfect, and they know some Japanese, so we kind of figure out what we are saying.

That was not the case (most of the times) when I was in California. My host family knew no Japanese even though they had welcomed other Japanese students in the past; I always, always had to say things in English. All the professors I met in class didn't know Japanese either. Most of the friends I made there didn't speak Japanese. The bus drivers in the buses I took to go to school everyday didn't know Japanese. I was a tutor of a introductory Japanese class, and the lecturer, of course, spoke fluent Japanese (I mean, she was a Japanese lady!), but except for some rare cases like this, I was on my own. I couldn't be lazy, and ask Japanese for help.

Oops, this isn't the things I wanted to focus on today, actually. Ok, cultural context. It definitely connects to "culture shock," which is a well-known term in Japanese, but I am not sure if this is a universal term. Let me start from an episode...

I mentioned that I always took a bus to go to school. And on the bus, there was always at least one person speaking on the phone. The speaker was talking and laughing. But nobody seemed to care. It was actually shocking to me when I first saw that. Why? Because that's not normal for Japanese. If you talk on the phone while you're on public transportation (e.g. bus and train), you'll considered weired and inappropriate. I've seen people literally stare at the person who's on the phone on a bus or a train in Japan. Plus, there are posters and even announcements to encourage people to refrain my speaking on the phone while you're on public transportation.

There's not actual law that bans people from talking on the phone while they're on public transportation, it is a moral code or one of common senses in Japan. The reasons? To be honest, they're not actually clear even to me. Talking with a physically existing person is totally fine, so perhaps people don't like it when they have to hear only one end of the conversation? But putting it on a speaker phone doesn't solve the problem, so... I don't know. Or some people talk about how electric waves from cellphones are bad for cardiac pacemakers. I'm not an expert on this area, so please don't ask questions about this to me, though! But I don't think cellphones are actually causing real troubles. Electric waves are still coming in and going out even when we're not on the phone, right? And I've never heard of people actually getting sick in public transportation...

It's so surprising that a thing that is so normal in one place is absolutely abnormal in another place. I am constantly surprised by how people in different countries/cultures have a lot in common, but at the same time, I am also surprised by how cultures and customs differ across the world. And people are eager to decide quickly which is right and which is wrong, when... there's no answer. Things are not so clear cut, black and white.

You can do whatever you want, but we should always keep in mind to think about the others. Deciding what is right and what is wrong is different from deciding what you like and what you don't like. As time goes by, different new ideas are born. One of the examples are "Free the Nipple." Yes, I get the idea. I think is strange that males are totally fine without covering their chests in public while females always have to make sure their chests are covered. It's always taken for granted, but nobody really knows why this is the norm. So I understand some people start campaigns or take actions about this. But if I see women walking down the streets with nothing at all to cover their chests, I'll be surprised, and actually, confused. I would not know how to react to it. And I'll be confused by how confused I'll be. Is it wrong to be surprised? Is it bad that I won't be able to raise my both hands up, and say, "Yes! This is awesome!"? Yes, I do believe all people are created equal, and I do appreciate people are working hard to empower people, but...

I think we need more time to struggle. Because... not all questions are easy to answer. It's quicker and easier to see the world as black and white, and make decisions based on whether you like it or dislike it. And the smallest thing can go viral in this Internet era. The world is not so clear cut; there are a lot of grays. And it's more comfortable when you can decide things quickly, but it's important to be patient, and think through even though the questions you're facing is difficult.

Bye Bye Materialism.

It's been already 10 days since I last posted anything. I think I should set a goal or rule so that I write in English more regularly.

To be honest, I haven't really decided yet about what I will write in this post... Umm... Ok, I think I will talk about living simpler in terms of getting away from materialism, which is my ultimate goal of my life.

I have a lot of things in my house. And... in the future, I want to live with much less stuff. I want to live more quietly. I don't want to live unsatisfied and craving for more stuff.

One of my passion is makeup. I have so many products and sometimes I look at all the products I own and say to myself, "Girl, this is A LOT!"

Yes, I love cosmetics so then, it's so natural to collect different products from different brands. Looking at all those products can be very satisfying. But then, I've started to think differently. There are many many products that have been sitting there for years. Sometimes, I go through, say, my eyeshadow collections, and bump into an eyeshadow palette that I have even forgot I had it. I knew I had way more than I needed, but that was when I realized it once again, and questioned myself, "Do I really need this much?" Do I really need all these when I, the owner, don't get hold of them?

We face a bunch of advertisements every single day. They come up whether we like it or not, and try to get us buy things. In addition, not only that, I think ads are made so that we think we're not enough, we lack of something, and we shouldn't be satisfied. They make feel not only we want the thing that is promoted, but also less confident. "Oh, I should get this thing." "I wish I had this product." "Damn, this girl in this commercial looks so pretty! Oh, I wanna look like her too..."

We buy a lot, and throw away a lot. Nowadays, we throw away things before they're actually unable to use. When was the last time you replaced your phone with a new one because the current one was broken? Perhaps this never happened to you. Do you have clothes sleeping in your closet? You bought them because they were inexpensive, and first of all, they matched that year's trend.

I'm not saying that shopping is bad, and we should all stop buying. People can't live without consumption. What I want to emphasize though is that we need to think harder when we buy something. Why do I want this product? Do I really need this product? Who or what am I trying to satisfy by buying this product?

In the future, as I said previously, I want to live with less stuff in my house. Being a minimalist sounds like a long way to go, though. And all the things I own would things that I really love, things that I really feel attached. I won't have a lot, but I'll use them for a long time. I will be surrounded by people I love rather than things that I don't really use or need. I want to spend my money on experiences or for other people more than buying something, knowing I won't be using the product the next year.

Materialism doesn't make us happy or satisfied. You can spend, spend, spend your money and feel like you're rich, but that makes your heart poor. Let's focus more on enriching our hearts and spirits.

New Year's Resolution!

So 2017 has come. I've been a bit ill, but other than that, it's been pretty good.

Alright, so in this post, I'd like to talk about some goals I've made for myself. Well, first of all, I need to find myself a job. I really don't like how the system works here in Japan, but I just have to deal with it. There's a certain "job-hunting season" every year when all students who apply look for their jobs. And you would want to get a job which you'll start from the next April, by your last summer vacation in collage. So, uh, the bottom line is that I need to work hard and get a job.

Secondly, I'll study Eastern philosophy. I am interested in Buddhism, and I don't really know much about Buddhism, but I feel like it's more like philosophy. According to a lecture of a class I used to sneak in and listen to, Buddha stands on a viewpoint that life is tough. Keeping it in mind as a premise, he tried to figure out how to live. "To be spiritually awakened" is one of my life goals. And to make it really happen, although it is definitely not an easy goal, and takes a very long time, I think I need to see what Buddha taught. Another reason why I want to study Buddhism (or Eastern philosophy?) is much simpler. I want to learn about it because I don't know about it. I am a Buddhist, but am I? Religion in Japan is very interesting. We go to temples and shrines but I'd say most of us say, "I don't have any religious belief." We don't really think and talk about religion. Yeah, we go to temples, so we must be Buddhists, and yeah, we also go to shrines, so somehow we must be Shintoists as well... But...??? I don't think this kind of situation is a bad thing necessarily. Japanese are quite flexible about religion. I even think Japan may be able to make a contribution to bring hope to religious conflicts. Oops, that was quite a ramble! Conclusion, I'll read books and study Buddhism and Eastern philosophy.

Third, I want to help people be more confident. I know, being confident is not easy for me either. But I think when you are in trouble dealing with yourself, you should look around and engage with the others. Be nice and kind even more when you're hurt and lost. Because that will save you. There are so many ways to lose confidence. Maybe it's how you look, your weight, your school grade, how much money you get paid, etc... All of these come from comparing you with the others. If you truly establish YOU, you don't have to compare yourself with the others. And by the way, all of those fixed ideas/views, and stereotypes are bullshit. If you keep thinking about them, you'll never fully love yourself. You don't have to have a certain body shape or look to love yourself and to be loved by people. And moreover, you don't have to be loved or liked by every single person you meet in the first place. Because that's never going to happen. Some people will always hate you, and you won't get along with everybody, and that is just fine. That is nobody's fault. I want to have many conversations with people who have this kind of issues, and make them feel better about themselves. I'm not perfect, and yes, that's true, I'm not confident like I want myself to be, but I can still spread love and kindness, and reach out for other people. I want to be the love people need.

Alright, it's been quite long, but this will be the last. I'll read more books than last year. I'll read books and perhaps talk about them in this blog. Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

OK! That's all! It's going to be a busy year, but I'll make it a good one!