Feeling a Little Burnt-Out

Hey, it's been a while. More than a while actually.

The situation has changed a lot since I posted here. I don't work for the company where I worked as an English teacher anymore. I left the company in August. And I started working for another company from September.

Being an adult and being a student are very different. I had more time to read, more time to think, and more time to connect those thoughts. But being an adult is so busy. You need to be at a certain place five days a week. And you need to be there and work there for about 8 hours. There is no time to think about other things during that time.

You cannot be totally free after work either. You need to do household chores. You need to clean your rooms; you need to do laundries; you need to prepare dinner; you need to prepare lunch for tomorrow.

Even besides all those things, you have to get on commuter trains five days a week, which are so crowded and energy-draining. Being an adult, you have to think about what needs to be done tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. You need to be with people whom you don't necessarily like or feel connection with.

No, I don't want anyone to think that I don't like any aspect of being in an adulthood. No, that's not what I meant. Earning money and living my life off the money I've earned feels great. I have more money than I used to when I was a student. I can spend my money on experiences more, not just physical things. I don't have to hear my mother say, "Who supports your life? Who pays all the expenses? Who do you think it is?"

Being a student is also busy but the schedule could be more flexible. And to be honest, I wasn't a typical Japanese student. I didn't really spend my time on part-time jobs. I may be poor, but I wanted to spend more time reading and studying. I have always been a clumsy type, and I wasn't really good at managing multiple tasks at once.

Since time and energy is limited, you need to use them wisely. You cannot be perfect in every aspect. Since I started working for a new company, I managed to be punctual on weekdays. I brought my own lunch every weekday to work. I prepared dinner after work instead of going into convenience stores or restaurants. I went to the gym twice or three times a week. I studied English after work. I read books for thirty minutes before I go to bed.

For some people, these aren't achievements at all. But for me, they are. And after I've done all these things for one month, besides getting used to the new environment, I'm tired. Maybe trying to do everything so perfectly wasn't a good idea. Maybe I could have skip making dinner or lunch to have more time to relax or read. I may have spent more money if I had done so, but I may have been happier in that way.

I don't want to feel like I'm always chased by daily hustle. Perhaps it is a good time to examine my schedule besides the working hours and make more time to take care of myself.