Feeling a Little Burnt-Out

Hey, it's been a while. More than a while actually.

The situation has changed a lot since I posted here. I don't work for the company where I worked as an English teacher anymore. I left the company in August. And I started working for another company from September.

Being an adult and being a student are very different. I had more time to read, more time to think, and more time to connect those thoughts. But being an adult is so busy. You need to be at a certain place five days a week. And you need to be there and work there for about 8 hours. There is no time to think about other things during that time.

You cannot be totally free after work either. You need to do household chores. You need to clean your rooms; you need to do laundries; you need to prepare dinner; you need to prepare lunch for tomorrow.

Even besides all those things, you have to get on commuter trains five days a week, which are so crowded and energy-draining. Being an adult, you have to think about what needs to be done tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. You need to be with people whom you don't necessarily like or feel connection with.

No, I don't want anyone to think that I don't like any aspect of being in an adulthood. No, that's not what I meant. Earning money and living my life off the money I've earned feels great. I have more money than I used to when I was a student. I can spend my money on experiences more, not just physical things. I don't have to hear my mother say, "Who supports your life? Who pays all the expenses? Who do you think it is?"

Being a student is also busy but the schedule could be more flexible. And to be honest, I wasn't a typical Japanese student. I didn't really spend my time on part-time jobs. I may be poor, but I wanted to spend more time reading and studying. I have always been a clumsy type, and I wasn't really good at managing multiple tasks at once.

Since time and energy is limited, you need to use them wisely. You cannot be perfect in every aspect. Since I started working for a new company, I managed to be punctual on weekdays. I brought my own lunch every weekday to work. I prepared dinner after work instead of going into convenience stores or restaurants. I went to the gym twice or three times a week. I studied English after work. I read books for thirty minutes before I go to bed.

For some people, these aren't achievements at all. But for me, they are. And after I've done all these things for one month, besides getting used to the new environment, I'm tired. Maybe trying to do everything so perfectly wasn't a good idea. Maybe I could have skip making dinner or lunch to have more time to relax or read. I may have spent more money if I had done so, but I may have been happier in that way.

I don't want to feel like I'm always chased by daily hustle. Perhaps it is a good time to examine my schedule besides the working hours and make more time to take care of myself.

Life Update + Mini Book Review on "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" by Mark Manson

Hi, to anyone who's reading this post! I hope you all are having a wonderful day! It's been so hot here in Japan! It's actually been so hot that media from overseas write about it in their articles! Anyways, these heat waves are not here to play, so please keep yourselves hydrated! Make sure you drink lots of water, and try not to spend too much time outside. Also, make sure people around you are keeping themselves hydrated as well!

So, about myself and my life... It's been pretty good. I've been procrastinating to come here and write something for the past 2 months, and I thought this procrastination must end! So I just sat down and started typing.

Yeah, overall, things are going well with me. I still love my job. I've got used to what I do now more than when I last posted something on this blog, which was in May. The more I learn, the more I know that I need to know more.

Oh, and I've sighed up for a gym this month. It's actually a boxing gym, but you don't get to punch people in their faces actually. It's not scary and violent at all. I don't know how it is called in English, but what I do is called "kurayami boxing" in Japanese. "Kurayami" means darkness in Japanese. So you basically punch a sandbag in the darkness. And it's not just that. While you work out, music (mostly EDM) is blasted in the training room. Yeah, you could say that it's like a club. The only difference is that people in the club will be drinking and dancing and twerking, but we, the kurayami boxers will be exercising while enjoying the music.

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to exercise regularly. And I actually did start working out. It feels good. I'm not a work-out fan, but with some darkness and music, I thought I would be able to enjoy working out. I went to their trial session last month, and I really enjoyed it. It was far from being easy, though. I was freaking tough, but totally worth it. I got muscle pain all over my body the next day, and for about a week since then, I had had difficulties going up and down the stairs at train stations, or making even more simple everyday movements, such as sitting up or standing up.

I wanted to sign up immediately and get the membership, but I couldn't because the gym was very popular. They told me to wait for a month and that I could start from August. And the month of August has just started, and I attended a session for the first time as an official member yesterday! This time, to my surprise, I didn't get muscle pain as much as I did last time. Maybe my muscle has got stronger. I'm not sure if it's true, though. Well, in fact, I don't think that muscle can get stronger that easily. Anyways, I've made a promise to myself that I would go to the gym at least twice a week! Hopefully, I will get a body like Victoria's Secret Angles someday! lol

Besides those things, I've started saving some money, which is also listed in my New Year's Resolutions list. I know it's going to take some years, but I will keep on doing this till I have enough money to go to a grad school. To cut up the costs and save more money, I try my best to prepare my own lunch to work so that I don't have to spend money to get lunch outside. I was worried at first about whether I can continue the habit of cooking at home and bring my own lunch, because I'm a lazy person by nature. But so far so good! I actually feel bad on days when I don't bring lunch for small reasons, such as waking up late.

Oh, and I don't necessarily have to mention this, but I broke up with my boyfriend. No no, no drama. No broken plates or screaming or anything. It's just we ended the relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. We're still friends and if we want to contact each other, we are always free to do so; we never have to hesitate. I'm not going to dig on how or why we separated, of course. But as a fact, I tell you that we just broke up and I am single now. I'm open to seeing new people, but I'm not in the mood of serious relationships as for now.

And lastly, yes, I've been reading books as I always do. Well, to be honest, this habit of mine kind of slowed down last month, but I'm pretty sure I never ended the day without reading even during that month.

One of the books I read recently is called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. It is a wonderful book that everyone needs to read! It was written by Mark Manson. To be honest, I had never heard of him before I picked up the book at a local bookstore, but he is a blogger and gives people life advice. If you're interested, you can click here to see his website.

I really love this book because it adopts the minimalist approach. You know, in the culture of more is better, minimalism is liberating. Mark says that people give way too many fucks, and that would basically tire us out. He tell us many times in his book that we need to be selective about what to give a fuck about. We need to give a fuck about something because otherwise, our life will be meaningless. We need to save fucks for things that really matters to us. And to do so, we need to choose the right kind of metrics measure ourselves. If your metric of happiness and success is how many followers you have and how many likes you get on Instagram, you never will be happy. Metrics that are based on external factors aren't good metrics. On the other hand, metrics that are based upon internal factors, such as being honest, are the good ones.

Also, Mark tell us that we need to know that being normal is totally fine. I dropped out from Twitter and Instagram because I felt like the world was screaming at me saying, "Look at me! Look at me! Look at how cool my life is! Look at how different I am!" I knew that what they post aren't the valid representation of their whole lives; people choose what they post on the Internet and what not to. But still, it was overwhelming, and I thought I wouldn't be able to have a healthy relationship with SNS. This book made me felt like it was telling me that I'm totally fine feeling this way. Recent culture tells us to be different and stand out. If you end up being different and standing out, that's just fine too. But you don't have to feel like your mediocre self and mediocre life is inferior to anyone's life.

And stop trying to be happy all the time, Mark teaches us. We should value suffering more. Without suffering, there is no learning. Important lessons are learned from suffering moments, not from happy moments.

I tried to lay out some essence from the book, but I'm bad at summarizing things. If you want to know what the book is about, the best way to do so is to go check out the book yourself, not reading my blog post. lol

Alright, I think I've written enough. Hope to see you in my next post. I don't know when it will come up, though. See ya!

Kamikaze Spirit, the Spirit That Prevails in Japanese Society

Hi, I hope you're all having a wonderful day! It's my day off today, so I thought it would be a good idea to come here and write something, since I haven't come here for more than a month. I always promise myself that I would blog more often and always end up lying to myself . lol

Well, I don't have a plan on what I'm going to write here today. I guess this is not surprising at all! I just wanted to write like a life update kind of thing today. As some of you may already know, I moved to Kanagawa from Kyoto in March, and started working in Tokyo from last month. I work as an personal trainer for English. Basically, I teach English to adults for living. I've worked as an English personal trainer for just a month, but I'm already sure to say that I love my job! I love using English myself, and teaching English allows me to use English everyday. Also, I think I am lucky because I can feel that I am helping people by helping them improve their English skills as my job.

Not all people love their jobs, unfortunately. And even if they love their jobs, not all people can work in a good condition. I don't know much about working conditions in other parts of the world, but in Japan, there are more than a few companies that force their employees to work overtime but don't pay what they deserve. We call that kind of companies "black companies". Sadly, some people work for such companies until they decide to take their own lives.

Have you heard of the term, "karoshi"? It literally means death by overwork. This really happens in Japan. Does this happen in other countries as well? I want to know. You may wonder why some people work so much. So much that their physical and mental health get affected. I think the reason lies in the Japanese culture. A culture that praises the "kamikaze spirit". I need to be clear here that I am not dissing young men who lost their lives. I am dissing the order or the Japanese way of fighting during that time that make them go even though they had no chance. It has been getting better over time, but the culture that values quantity over quality still lies deeply in Japanese people.

When I was in elementary school, they would always hold a marathon competition every winter, like many other elementary schools in Japan. One day, my class teacher told the class that we should all participate in a voluntary training every morning before class until the marathon event. He distributed a card to the class, and the card worked like this: if you run round the school yard one time, you can paint a little section in the card; if you run round the school yard two times, you can paint two sections in the card; and if you run round three times, you know how many sections you can paint by now. And it goes on and on. So the more you run, the more sections in your card will be painted.

I was good at running when I was younger. So I thought, "I didn't need much practice for the marathon event." And moreover, the teacher told us it was "voluntary practice" in the first place. I said to myself, "I don't have to feel obligated to go to school a bit early every morning to run round the school yard." So I didn't show up to the voluntary training. But after a week or so (I don't even remember how long it took before I was called in, to be honest...), the teacher scolded me. He asked me why I had not participated in the training, and told me I had to show up. He told me he didn't see my motivation, and that I needed to work hard like other kids. "Why aren't you participating in the voluntary training like your classmates? Everybody's working hard for the marathon event." He even made me write a statement of apology and regret for not participating in the training.

To be honest, I had nothing to be sorry for. The teacher told everyone in the class that it was a "voluntary" training. Does he know the meaning of the word, "voluntary"? I had the full right of not showing up because, you know, it's really self-explanatory; it was voluntary, which means that it was optional! If you want to do it, you are free to run round the school yard every morning; if you don't, you are also free not to come. I had no reason to be scolded. But I was scolded nevertheless.

That was the time when I learned what Japanese society is like. And Japanese people educated this way from their early days. The kid who painted the most sections in the marathon card is the greatest. The kid who doesn't have a lot of sections painted in the card but ends up getting a better records than the others, and thinks that he/she wants to spend that precious morning time before class doing other things are hated by the authority.

This is the same in many workplaces in Japan, I guess. The one who stays late is greater, thus the one who works harder, even though that's not a productive way of working necessarily. The one who tries to work productively during his/her regular working hours, and leaves the office on time will be turned a cold shoulder, like he/she is being lazy and not putting enough effort.

The kid who wrote the same kanji a hundred times on his/her notebook is greater and deserve to be praised, even if you can learn and remember that kanji by practicing writing it ten times. If ten times is enough for you to learn that kanji, don't you think having to write it ninety times more is a waste of time? This is kamikaze spirit. "They know how to fall asleep. What they need to know and learn is how not to fall asleep when they are sleepy." Something like this was written in the book called "The Chrysanthemum and the Sword" by Ruth Benedict. She said that this is how Japanese soldiers are trained. Instead of instructing them getting enough sleep and nutrition is a productive way of preparing for battles, they told this. We cannot say that everything she wrote in that book is true, since the research she conducted to write the book was not sufficient. But the spirit itself tells the truth about our culture. And we need to change that. It has been changing slowly over time, but the change is not enough.

Oh, so this is not really a post of my life update after all. lol Luckily, I am not working for a black company. I'm working for a complete white company in that sense. But our society need to change so that all people in our society can say that working in a white company is just normal. Parents shouldn't be worried about whether their children work in a black company or not. Young people shouldn't be telling their friends and families that luckily, the company that they started working for is not black. The society that bears these kinds of conversations is wrong. We need to wake those people (those who value kamikaze spirit) up. Guys, it's 2018.

Thanks for reading this post! I'm sorry if there's any typos and grammatical errors. English is not my first language, and I don't review my work before publishing it to the whole world. So... I hope to see you in my next post! Bye :)

Are You a Good Listener?

Hey guys! I hope you are all doing well. Currently, we are right in the middle of the allergy season, and I've been suffering from runny nose and sneezing for the past month or so. But other than that, I'm in a good condition.

Lately, I've become keenly aware of how important communication is. When a communication breakdown happens, we tend to think that the other person is mean or dumb. But if you look closely, that is not the case. Communication breakdowns happen because you and the other person are using different kinds of logic regarding communicating. Most of the times, we don't explicitly say what we mean. When you say, "Hmm, it's hot in here," you actually mean, "So can you open the window so that the cooler air outside can come in?" Or, it could be that you want the other person to turn on the AC for you, depending on the situation you are in.

Communication breakdowns happen when the other person didn't get your intention or interpreted your intention in a wrong way, or when you didn't get the other person's intention or interpreted that person's intention wrong. Let's use the window example again. You said, "Hmm, it's hot in here," to show politeness; you didn't want to look like you are making an order to that person. You show politeness by avoiding saying things in direct ways. But it is never guaranteed that the other person will always get your intention and appreciate it. He/She might think, "Ugh, why don't you just say things clearly, and ask me to open the window, instead of dropping 'hints'?" In this case, the other person did not get your intention, which is the sign of being polite, and would rather think of you as a disagreeable person.

If you can notice and point out what is going wrong like this all the time, life would be much easier. But in reality, emotions come first, and we often fail to analyze and assess the communication breakdown we just experienced. And we are quick to conclude that the other person didn't get our intention because that person was being mean or stupid, and so that it's hard to get along with him/her.

Let me give you a real-life example here. This is a communication breakdown that I have been experiencing over and over again recently. My mother loves to give out advice, even when nobody asks. She just randomly shows up in front of me and starts preaching. What kind of advice? Well, those are just small ones. Most of them are related to housekeeping, such as how to keep things clean and last long, or how to better store foods, etc. You know, she's a mom, and moms know a lot of things about housekeeping. So yeah, maybe I should appreciate all those advice she has given me, and say, "Thank you," each time.

But here's a problem. She comes up and starts "educating" whenever she wants to, not when I am ready or willing to listen to her. Alright, so let's say that you are in your room alone, and reading a book. The book is really interesting, and you are really focusing on it. Now, do you want your mom to show up at your door and starts talking without asking if it's okay for you to have a conversation with her?

For her, her daughters (= me and my younger sister) are projections of herself in a way, and I guess that she thinks of her kids to be subordinates to her. And I guess that's way she has never thought that her action is impolite and that's bugging me. She thinks she's being kind and generous to give out those advice to me, and doesn't see any reason that I should be annoyed by her. Her advice/knowledge itself is actually useful, but sadly, there are times when I cannot be thankful to her.

So what can we say about this? Well, the first lesson we can get from this narrative is: do not try to give advice when nobody asks you to. The second lesson is that not only what you say, but also how you say it and when you say it are also very important. And lastly, know that the other person will not always get what you intended or what you meant. We should be aware that there is always a chance of communication breakdown, even with the ones we consider to be very close. So we should keep our minds open and engage in active listening. We should try to pay attention not just to what other person is saying, but also to his/her body language, intention, and feelings. Be a good listener.

Thank you so much for reading this post! I hope you all have a wonderful day! See you in my next post :) Bye!

Pulling Myself Together by Writing!

Hi! It's feels so good to be back here. I really needed some time to sit down and write. Last month was a really busy one. It was towards the end of the fall semester, which means that I had to go through finals exams. And more importantly, I had to finish off my graduation thesis! I put so much effort into that thesis, and I was so proud of myself when I completed it and went into the school office to submit it. All of the exams went relatively well, I think. Well, I didn't have to take that many exams to begin with, though. Oh, but I had to write about 4 papers. *sigh* I actually miss studying now that I've gone through all the exams and papers I needed to complete before I graduate. 4 years went so fast! I don't want to think that I will be graduating from collage next month! I have always loved my student life, and I know that I'll miss it from April. Yeah, of course, I'm excited for the next chapter of my life, but I feel sad that I'll no longer be a student.

Oh, one more thing to mention is that I turned 25 last month! My boyfriend and I visited Hello Kitty Cafe on my birthday, and we had so much fun there. I ordered a slice of apple pie and a cup of latte. The apple pie was decorated with a Hello-Kitty-shaped marshmallow! It was too cute to eat, but I ate it anyway. lol After having fun at the cafe, we went shopping. We ended up getting some small bottles of plum liqueur. If you are from outside of Japan, and if you are not familiar with plum liqueur or plum wine, which is called "umeshu" in Japanese, you may not know what umeshu is. I was in California 2 years ago, but I don't think I saw umeshu there. I'm pretty sure that you can find umeshu at Asian or Japanese markets, though. Many people know some famous/major Japanese beer companies such as Asahi, and many people know sake. I don't understand why umeshu is not so well-known there because it's so delicious! I don't know how to explain umeshu in English (lol), so let's call in Professor Wikipedia: "Umeshu is a Japanese liqueur made by steeping ume fruits (while still unripe and green) in alcohol (shochu) and sugar. It has a sweet, sour taste, and an alcohol content of 10-15 %." Ah, this explains it well! You can drink it on the rocks, or you can mix it with some water, hot water, or carbonated water to make cocktails. I always prefer to have umeshu on the rocks. Yeah, that's my favorite way of enjoying it. We (my boyfriend and I) both love umeshu a lot, so it didn't take long till we emptied all the bottles we purchased... lol

So that was a few highlights from last month. Now this month is a really stressful one. ...And a busy one as well. Currently, I live in Kyoto, but I'll start working in Tokyo from April, which means that I need to move. As everybody knows, moving takes a lot of time and working. You need to arrange different things, right? I've been feeling a lot of stress this month. Last week, I went to Kanagawa to find my new apartment. I didn't even try to find one in Tokyo because it'll cost me a lot and I can't afford it. Luckily, I found a nice apartment, and I know I'll love that place! In addition, I got to spend some time with my sister and her boyfriend! It's always fun to go out with them, so that was a happy moment in this stressful situation I have been facing for the past 2 weeks. After saying goodbye to them and coming back to my parents' house where I'll be staying till the end of March, I went shopping with my parents to buy some necessary items such as home electronics and furniture. It's the busy season now for those kind of businesses, so everywhere we went was crowded.

Alright, so I've found a place to live and prepared necessary items. Now it's time to contact some moving companies, compare the prices they offer, and decide which company to work with. It's not that I don't like phone calls, but it's a bit tiring to talk with somebody I don't know at all over the phone. I think I'll pick a moving company tomorrow or day after tomorrow. After that, I'll eventually need to pack things up so that I can actually move, but I'll have some time before I leave the apartment in Kyoto (I'm planning to leave there on March 5th.), so there's no need to rush. Hopefully, I will be set free from all those stress of having to arrange things and feel better next week.

Although I've been pretty busy lately, I have never failed to find time to read! I have been taking a lot of trains to travel to a place to another, so I have lots of time for reading actually. Today, I finished reading Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov. I'm so glad that I could finish it before I graduate. Right now, so many feelings are going around my head, and I can't find a way to make them into words so other people can share my thoughts on the novel. But one things I can definitely say is that Dostoevsky is a pure genius, and the novel is a masterpiece. I wouldn't be able to write a novel that is equally amazing even if I were reborn 100 times. Now that I've finished The Brothers Karamazov, I am going to finish The Idiot, also from Dostoevsky. I've read the first 2 volumes of the entire novel, and I hate to give up reading a novel once I've started reading it. I've picked up the novel, so I am definitely going to finish it. I have already contacted the local library and reserved a copy. The library closest to my place didn't have a copy, but they said that they could order a copy from another branch, and put it aside for me. Can't wait to start reading the 3rd volume in a few days!

Ah, writing really purify my heart. I feel better than I was before I sat down to write this post. Oh, and I will have a descent amount of time alone tomorrow (Finally! Yay!), so I'm going to call my boyfriend. I haven't been able to see him since I left for my parents's house last Tuesday, and I miss him a lot! I hope having some time to talk with him lifts my spirits. Well, I'm sure it will!

Ok... I'll go now. I think I'm going to read a book which is not The Idiot by Dostoevsky, and go to bed. Thanks for reading, and I hope I'll see you in my next post :) Bye!